What is a selfie?

By definition, a selfie is a picture of yourself. No one else. Just you. No children, no spouses or signifcant others, no friends, no pets. And it’s usually one YOU take of YOURSELF to share on social media. So you alone are in charge of how you are seen, and it’s one you share to a typically large group of people.

And it’s usually a close up. So, the picture shows you at your most vulnerable. Really, really close and exposed.

I post a lot of selfies. I posted this in January about why.

Let me tell you again why I like posting selfies.

I’ve always been a tiny girl. But I’ve never been comfortable in my own body. When I was a kid, I was too skinny. The girls at school made fun of my skinny legs and my flat chest, so I never wore skirts and I wore baggy sweaters. Even though I was still skinny, I had a tummy. I once talked to my doctor about it. She said because I was short but had long legs and a short torso, my womb, which would someday hold babies, had no where to go, so it stuck out. Lucky me. So, another reason for the baggy clothes. Never wore crop tops or bikinis. I could have, because in reality, my stomach wasn’t that big, but my teenage self thought it was huge and I loathed it. Even one-piece swimsuits were a challenge. I wore t-shirts overtop. I was also shaped like a boy, with no hips. This was the truth – I still go straight down. So I wore boys jeans. I hated having pictures taken of me. People told me I was pretty and I believed it to some extent. But I didn’t know how to wear makeup, I didn’t have the money for quality makeup or nice clothes, and I hated my body, so I preferred to stay out of pictures. Even when I got married to Dave, I was 94 lbs, with bad skin, bad hair, and I’d suck in my belly whenever someone said, “say cheese!”

Then I had babies. Everyone says to be proud of how your body changes and to love your new softness and stretch marks, but I hated it. Because of my super short torso, my did stomach stretch out like my doctor said it would. It stretched out almost horizontally – my friends called it a “torpedo belly.” It was fascinating to see but horrible to live with after the babies were born. All the folds of skin were ugly and embarrassing. I managed to lose the 45 lbs I retained after Max was born by the time he was 4-years-old, but the loose skin remained. I was 99 lbs again, but I couldn’t wear a bikini. Luckily, the skin was no match for $9500 and a good plastic surgeon.

(This is a big moment for me. I have never publicly revealed that I had a tummy tuck to get rid of all the loose skin caused by my pregnancies. The plastic surgeon also took away the tummy I was born with. I joke that Dr. Haugrud gave me what God didn’t).

I’ve spent the last 8 years since working out and eating right so that money wasn’t wasted.  Also, I can now afford to buy good makeup and hair products and I know how to use them. Thank goodness for YouTube and makeup tutorials. And a teenage daughter who has no problem telling me what I’m doing wrong.

So now, compared to when I was a teenager or even a young married adult, when I look in the mirror and snap a picture of myself, it’s because I finally feel good about myself and like what I see. These moments don’t happen every day. I still look in the mirror and cringe sometimes. OK – a lot of times. You know, around that-time-of-the-month, or when I have an exceptionally big zit on my face, or when I’ve just gone too many days without washing my hair and it’s really greasy and gross. But on the days I snap a selfie and actually post it, I’m saying to myself, I’m worth taking a pic of myself right now, I like how I look right now, I think I’m pretty today.

And the reason I share them is because I want to connect with you. A great number of people on my social networks are people I don’t see often. More than half the people in my life are in Eastern Canada, Sri Lanka, and other places overseas. So by sharing my selfies, I am connecting with people I see only a few times a year or maybe once or twice every few years. Or people I might never see but still have a connection with. Psychologists say it’s a natural human need to want to share ourselves with our networks.

I know some of you are kissing your teeth at me and telling me to get over myself. Some of you see pictures of others and roll your eyes just as quickly as you scroll on by. But every time you see someone posting a selfie, you should think to yourself, they feel good about themselves today. And you should applaud them. Maybe they don’t look good to you, but it doesn’t matter. They look good to themselves. So much so that they had the courage to post a selfie. And that deserves a little recognition.

This is especially a message I try to instill into Kira. She’s a 16-year-old girl who has a lot of self-esteem issues. When she looks pretty, I remind her to take a picture of herself. So she can look back on it on a day when she might not feel great about herself, and remember. I think it’s an important message for teens, especially girls.

So ladies and gents! Love yourself more! Feel good about yourself more! Appreciate yourself!

Take more selfies!

At 47 years old, with a host of medial issues and regular and frequent moments of panic with I see myself in the mirror, if I can take a selfie and feel good about myself enough to post it online for all the world to see, then that’s a really, really good day in my books!